mimz

PROMISE!

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 22:16:27 -0500

PROMISE!

I´m work in progress so please handle with care

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 22:09:20 -0500

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear when will I learn not to make the same mistakes again and again and again and AGAIN,….

I always seem to fall into the same pattern, not being able to find a different path and get out of that unhealthy routine that just eats me up inside. I seem to love to complicate my life more than it already is… I´m ok and the suddenly I´m not… it´s kind of boring and unpredictable…

That kind of insecurity and instability that just takes over me and I´m not able to control. I become a slave to my own craziness and my own thoughts.

I know that everything that surrounds me is good, I live in a cool city, I have a great job, great friends, good people close to me that love me and care for me, a wonderful family and still … there is that little thing that makes me think I´m not good enough and I don´t deserve all I have. So I doubt if it really all is as good as I think and then I´m afraid someone realizes I don´t deserve all I have and it´s taken away from me…

So now the big question… How do you change that state of mind?

I mean, don´t get me wrong, is not like I live constantly in that state of mind but I have my bad days and my bad moments were that state of mind seems to dominate. And even if the moments are short and afterwards I´m ok, they are quite intense and I really can have five minutes of pure hell, were I just want to run away… Now all I want is to be able to learn to know how to react and take action when such a moment comes and be able to live with it or learn to handle it.

It´s not an easy process and I know I will have to work hard and ask for support and patience from the people that love me, but hey I´m stronger than I might seem, I have lived quite a lot and I´m not giving up….

So really all I can say is: I´m work in progress so please handle with care.

True story!

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:58:25 -0500

True story!

Photo

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:56:22 -0500

The Cause

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 08:38:30 -0500

What do you do when you know you are the cause of someone else’s pain? What are you suppose to do then?

You know how to make that pain go away but you also know that if you try and help you are going to be the one that suffers, so it back fires at the end.

Does that make you a bad and selfish person? Or is it ok to put your well being before others? Who is the bad person and who is the victim? Is there even such a division or are we both bad and victim?

Complicated… like most things in life are… who is wrong? Who has the power to decide? Who can judge what you are supposed to do? Does it even make sense to try and find an answer?

Thing is, it´s a horrible feeling to know someone is going throw a hard time because of you, no matter if at some point it was the other way round and they didn´t do much to change it till it was too late. I still don´t want to be the cause of someone else’s suffering, even less when you still care but I know that I can´t do much about it without damaging my own well being.

So really, the only solution left is to let time heal everything. There is nothing time can´t make better.

Back on track!

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 15:57:10 -0500

It´s about time to stop saying I’m so busy I can´t find a moment to write on my blog. I was soooo good at keeping it up to date when I first started it but then I started being lazy and now it´s been ages since I last wrote and so much has happened.

I have missed it!

Last up date was for my brother’s birthday in September, it really has been too long since I last wrote.

So here I go.

In the past six months I turned from being a student and a “teenager” to officially being hired and becoming a “grown up” with a real job. No more pretending to be an adult but still have the excuse that you are young and reckless. Now I have started to realize what it means to have real responsibilities. It´s freaking SCARY at times. When did it all happen? When did my status change from student to worker?! No one asked me if I was ready!!!!!

But I love my job. It´s very fun and I have learned sooooo much and there is still sooooo much to learn, no day is the same to another, I love the variety.

I work at an event-planning agency. It´s called: The Cow Company. I love the name, it´s so random and cool. I started doing my internship with them at the end of September and as from the 1^st of January I was hired as officially part of the team.

Our office is a house and the atmosphere is really relaxed and cool, everyone is young and out going. People have been really kind with me, help me out and teached me a lot. I really like the team that works at The Cow, it´s always fun to be at the office.

Other update: my brother moved to Chile in November and we moved in together to our apartment. I really like my new apartment, I had the chance to decorate it how I like, I was lucky my mum came over and helped me out a lot. She is an expert at decorating and buying furniture. Living with Michy has been great; we never had any real problems. He is very calm and would ignore my childish tantrums, I most say he has matured since we used to live on Mallorca, he still has a long way to go but he definitely isn´t a little boy anymore. I am proud of my little brother, he is a fine young man. The sad bit is that he has decided to leave Chile mid March and finish his internship in Egypt. We haven´t had the chance to spend as much time together as we would have liked with his weird working hours and my crazy working hours we don´t find a lot of time to spend together. But I´m still very happy I had the chance to have him over and he knows he is welcome back when he wants, mi casa es su casa.

My parents came over too! That was absolutely amazing!!!!! I loved having them over and showing them where I live, where I work, who my friends are, how my life has changed and how I live my daily life here in Santiago. I am proud of what I have made for my self here and the person I have become since I live here so it´s great to be able to share it with the people I love and feel they are genuinely happy for me and they approve of my life style, it´s a very filling feeling and calming too.

Obviously not everything has been perfect these six months. I had my ups and downs but over all I’m still happy living in Chile and it´s the place I want to be for a while. I feel I´m building my life here so I would say that for now I´m staying here indefinitely. No ticket back to Europe to live any time soon. So if anyone wants to see then they will just have to come over to the other side of the world to say HI, you are more than welcome :)!

Brother and sister love :) Yesterday was my brothers birthday :)...

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 13:25:39 -0400

Brother and sister love :) Yesterday was my brothers birthday :) After a year and a month we got to see each other again :) that made me so happy ! Can’t wait till he comes over to live in Chile with me for a while :)

My space

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 14:45:29 -0400

Holidays are great, visiting friends and family is always wonderful but after a while I don’t seem to be able to shake off the feeling of being overwhelmed because I don’t have not a place to call mine and be able to be alone and relax for a little while.

I miss that little space that is just for me, that hour or afternoon of staying in bed and watching series, but my bed not my grandma’s or my friends.

MY apartment, MY bed, MY space but the worst bit is I DON’T EVEN HAVE AN APARTMENT TO CALL MINE AT THE MOMENT.

I don’t know it’s like I feel like I have to be at all times and during the whole day with a smile on my face and be up to everything that is offered or planed, but even if I know I’m only here for a bit and I have to make the most of it there are moments were I really don’t feel like doing anything. It makes me feel guilty but at the same time if I don’t get that Mimi time I’m moody, frustrated and tired.

I got that feeling a bit during my Christmas holidays just that it died away when I got to Egypt because there I did have my own room and my parents pretty much let me do what ever I wanted. They worked most of the day so I could plan and do what I wished when I wanted and as selfish as it might sound I need some alone time from the world. It’s kind of ridiculous I know because when I’m in Chile I complain I miss home, I miss my family, I miss my friends and I feel alone but being surrounded by people 24/7 isn’t ideal either. A balance, a bit of both is the best thing but you don’t always get that.

Now that I fly back to Chile I have to look for another apartment so in the time being I won’t have MY space either and sincerely being one month and a half with no room to call your own, living out of you luggage and having to pack every week or so is not always easy no matter how cool it is to be in a new place and visiting all the people you love.

But hey I know I’m having a bit of a low moment and that’s it, in a while I will be up and active once again ;) just needed to let off some steam….

Me and Lara, the cutest and happiest baby of all !

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 10:59:00 -0400

Me and Lara, the cutest and happiest baby of all !

My first week in Italy

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 10:57:19 -0400

Straight from Milano – Linate to Santa Margherita Ligure to spend a whole week at the sea side with my grandparents, uncle, Laura and my baby cosine Lara. They spent there whole summer holidays in a cute small apartment in Santa Margherita and I was lucky I managed to spend the last week with them there too.

It was a wonderful week! I got to spend some real quality time with my family, with some of the people I love the most in this world. I got to know my little baby cosine :) she is such a cute baby!!!! Always smiling and always in a good mood. I loved sharing that last week of summer holidays at the beach with them.

I had my little routine everyday (well for the short week I was there). Every morning at 7.30 I would joins my grandpa to his morning walks. The first day he took me to Portofino, the little coast town for the very VIP, the next we went to Rapallo,… once we arrived to our destination we would have breakfast: briosh, spremuta d’arancio e cappuccino :) oh so very Italian!

After the walk I would join my grandma to town to the market or to buy something for that days lunch, always involving some kind of shopping for me afterwards ;)

After lunch it was off to the beach with Laura and Franci to sunbath a little and around 5 they would pick up Lara and we could watch her happily playing in her little pool, she is a small fish, she loves the water. Man I love that little baby, she would let me carry her around, play around with her and she would never complain, so cute!

During the evening we would either have dinner at home or have dinner at some nice restaurant.

I really did enjoy my family time, there is nothing like family! Man have I missed them and has it been good being with them, filling up my energy tank, filling up my family love dose to last me a while till I can come back to see them again and I hope it won’t be as long as I predict.

Vi voglio tantissimo bene familia mia :)

Cassandra, me, our “amigo revolucionario”, Myris and...

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 10:41:48 -0400

Cassandra, me, our “amigo revolucionario”, Myris and Mari Jo :)

Mexico !

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 10:39:21 -0400

Iʼm half way though my holidays now and once again they have gone by way too quick. My first stop: MEXICO. I hadnʼt been back in a very, very long time and at the start I had a very weird feeling, it took me a few days to realize I was actually there.

Mexico was my home for 5 years of my life, I have some of the best memories of my life there, I lived in a hotel were everyone was family, I went to a small school were I made my first childhood friends. Those years will ALWAYS have a very special spot in my heart.

Last time I was there was 2007 and now being back 2012 lots of thinks have changed, we have all grown up, we have all lived new and different experiences that have made us become who we are today. Mexico and all the Riviera Maya has changed even more and grown so much, the beaches are still beautiful, Mexico is still as amazingly welcoming, heart warming and charming as always.

I got to see my closest friends from when I lived there. The first week I stayed with Maria Jose and Myris, they lived with me at the Robinson the last year, we used to always run around and be up to no good at the hotel. The second week I stayed with my classroom friend Cassandra, in our years of school we were inseparable, we would spend every day, all day long together!

It was nice to spend time with all of them, be able to REALLY catch up on our lives since we hadnʼt seen each other in soooo long.

Mexico in some ways still felt like home but in some other ways I felt like a stranger, I felt a little bit distant and lost seeing all the changes. At times I had a bit of a frustrating feeling, confused at how I felt being back.

One of my best days there was when Ulla organized a small get together of a few ex- Robinsons right next to the beach of the hotel. I didnʼt stop laughing that day, I couldnʼt stop smiling at all the old stories they were telling me of when we all lived in the hotel, stories of my dad and my mum I never got to know but now they were revealed ;) stories I didnʼt remember because I was too small and stories that should never leave the Robinson grounds, …. It was a very entertaining day.

We managed to walk into the Robinson and that was very sad! the Robinson is totally abandoned and destroyed. Seeing what was my home for 5 wonderful years so let go and run down was sad. I have hundreds of memories from my years there, I wish other families and other little 5 year olds could grow up there and make new memories in that wonderful hotel but now itʼs just a ghost town. I guess Robinson Club Tulummmm only lives on in my memory now.

I want to thank Maria Jose, Myriam and there whole family, Cassandra, Gustavo, Adriana and Tania, thank you all for the great time in Mexico.

Next time I go I definitely want to go with my family, I want to go back with all of them remember all the old days.

One year

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 15:12:31 -0400

On the 4th of August 2011, I packed my bags, took a few flights and I went to a new country far away from my family, my friends and leaving behind my comfort zone. I decided to go to a new country I had never been to an start a new adventure. Now after a year I can say I love living in Chile and I love Santiago. I have learned soooo much during this year. Time has past way too quick and it’s amazing to see how much I have lived in such a short time.
I feel like I have lived many new experiences, done many new things, learned so much in this new life experience. I made the right choice to come to Chile, I am happy of what it has thought me so far and I know the learning isn’t done yet.
I won’t lie, it hasn’t always been easy, there has been some really though moments, though decisions, lots of tears but you always learn something and I did. I got to know myself so much better, I have seen aspects of myself I didn’t know, some I like others not that much.
I have gotten to know a lot of new people, got to learn about other cultures, other life styles, …. I love the variety my life is surrounded with.
I am thankful to all the support, love and friendship I have received during this year.
Now it’s time to start a new year!

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 03:59:39 -0400

It’s time to start a new phase of my life once again. IM DONE WITH UNI FOREVER ! I can’t believe this semester is finally over and that I’m freeeeeeee. No more studying for a while at least, maybe a Master in a few years or so but now it’s time to have a taste of the “real” world, the “grown up” world, working and starting to be a little more independent.

BUT before all of that it’s time to TRAVEL !

Now I’m off to MEXICO :) After six years of not being back to my beautiful Mexico I’m going today and staying for about two weeks. I can’t wait to see my friends there, it’s been too long since I last saw them. All my oldest friends live there and it’s soooo exciting seeing them again after such a long time! I’m sure it will wake up a lot of old memories and old feelings. I cant wait :)

And after that I’m off to ITALY :) I’m going to get to meet my baby cosine and I’m going to see my grandparents, uncle, Laura and my friends. I’m soooooo happy I get to go and visit them before I start my internship, I really do miss them too much. I will be spending some quality time with all of them.

It’s time to recharge energies and come back to Santiago ready for a new beginning !

Transition

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 13:38:00 -0400

So once again it’s been ages since I last up dated my blog it’s from the combination of little time and being kind of lazy too. Even if I most admit I haven’t been up to much since my birthday.

I hate uni very day more and I’m counting the days till it ends like an inmate in his prison cell until he is free again. Yeah that’s how bad it got, I feel trapped in uni. I’m unhappy with my lessons, unhappy of the uni’s organization, just unhappy in general, I’m not enjoying it and it shouldn’t be this way. But now I really only have like two weeks left of this little personal hell and them I’m DONE this time FOREVER with university life. Maybe in some time, some day, I will do a Masters but for now I’m giving studying a rest and I’m going to start to WORK. Crazy if you ask me but I’m still really looking forward to start my internship.

My life apart from uni? All good. I still love living in Santiago, I still enjoying hanging out with my friends and my boyfriend. I like this city, I like my social life and I like all the many things I still have left to discover and see, so in that aspect I’m not bored at all.

At this point of my life I am in a sort of transition that at times gives me anxiety attacks and makes me feel lost, alone and disoriented.

I’m about to finish university, which means I’m a step closer to being independent and self-sufficient and now it’s the time to start deciding what I’m going to do after my internship where I want to start my independent, grown up life. No more speculations and ideas of a hundred different plans, now it’s the time to really decide.

I have already made my choice and it’s Chile. At this moment in time I know that I would like to stay at least all of 2013 living here too, it’s my plan A and to say the truth I don’t really have a plan B at this moment, Europe so doesn’t seem like an option, there is no work for the people that are already there how am I going to find something? I guess that if everything goes wrong and I don’t get my visa here in Chile I would go to Egypt, work at the Robinson but some how reflecting back to an older post where I wrote how I had hundreds of plans and how I didn’t know which one to take, now I feel there is only one for me and it’s the one of staying in Santiago.

Ok so my choice has been made and I’m convinced of it but when I get my anxiety attacks it’s because I realize that I have decided to build my life so far away from my family and that I miss them like hell and I can’t avoid having days where I feel too alone, where I just cry because I miss them, they are my strongest support system and having them so far away is HARD. I’m not always that strong and I still feel like at times I need my mummy and my daddy. It’s hard to realize that now I really am slowly breaking my bond from them and it’s freaky, I still feel 15 no way I’m 22 and finish university for good. I know I can do it and that I will survive but still at times it feels a little hard and a new challenge for me.

So as inside at times I’m still a little baby and I need my family my mummy is letting me go to Milan during my holidays before starting my internship. I’m still going to Mexico to go and see all my friends but I’m going for a little less and just to Playa del Carmen and from there I’m off to Milan for about two weeks to be able to spend some quality time with nonna, nonno, Franci, Laura and little baby Lara. I’m going to get to know my baby cosine earlier than I had expected and I love that. And of course I’m going to be able to see all my friends there too! To say the truth I really can’t wait :) I’m going to make the most of every second I have there! I need to see them, I need to be with them. The good thing is that then I’m back in Santiago and in no time Mich will be living with me and mum and dad are coming over to celebrate there birthday here with us, my mum’s big 5 0, so cool, I can’t wait. So I will have a full family immersion for a few months which will also help me in my transition. I like the fact that my parents will be over and see the country I have decided to stay in, get to know my life here and who I have become thanks to this city.

So yes I’m stepping into the phase of transition, wish me luck ;)

That was me today ! I received a letter from a friend I...

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 19:31:32 -0400

That was me today ! I received a letter from a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while and it made me smile big time :) Letters and postcards are the best, it makes me smile and think back to when I was smaller and used to send letters all the time, I feel they are so much more personal than an e mail or a fb inbox ! I want to find always more time to send postcards !

My little baby cosine ! Isn’t she the cutest. She is...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:54:01 -0400

My little baby cosine ! Isn’t she the cutest. She is a month and a bit old, she has already grown up so much and I really can’t wait to meet her !

It’s so very true my friends, this is the society we live...

Tue, 29 May 2012 18:59:48 -0400

It’s so very true my friends, this is the society we live in !

The first picture is me celebrating with my adoptive family and...

Mon, 28 May 2012 13:00:55 -0400

The first picture is me celebrating with my adoptive family and the second one is me celebrating with my boyfriend and all my closest friends !

Birthday

Mon, 28 May 2012 12:57:12 -0400

I got a year older this weekend !

I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by… Only a year ago I was in Mallorca for my birthday with my thesis group, working on one of the biggest projects of my life and having one of the best experiences of my life. Now Im on the other side of the world, in a new amazing city, that has become my hometown and where I have made new incredible friends that made my birthday special and unforgettable.

My birthday was a saturday this year so I sort of got to celebrate all the weekend :) and I was totally spoiled by everyone !

On friday I celebrated with my adoptive family, the Alvos. I went over for shabat and at the same time we celebrated my birthday. I got such nice presents from them and I even got a cake with candles and they sang happy birthday. I had such a lovely evening with them, they really do feel like family and they make me feel like part of it too. I am really grateful of having them in my life.

After shabat on friday I got to celebrate into my birthday with my boyfriend and some of his friends and we ended up going to sleep at like 5.30 so it was a good start to my birthday.

Saturday morning was a busy skype morning. First with my parents, then my uncle, Laura and little baby Lara looking as cute as every and then nonna and nonno. This year it’s the first time in my life that I celebrate my birthday without any member of my family present. All my previous birthday I have celebrate with either my parents, brother, uncle or grandparents. This time round it has the first time I only got to see them though skype.

On saturday I was invited for lunch to Gonzalo’s families house and I got my second cake with candles and happy birthday sang to me. They spoiled me too ! For the rest of the day I slept and just chilled, trying to regain energy for the night.

On saturday night it was time to celebrate with all my new friends in Chile. We went to a bar called Teclados. Many of my friends managed to come over and I got to celebrate with them my birthday. I had a great time and it was nice seeing how many new friends I have in my life since my last birthday. It made me happy seeing how many people were there to celebrate my birthday with me and it’s so nice to have all your friends in the same place.

I had an incredible time !

I want to thank everyone that sent me birthday wished on facebook, that called me or sent me an e mail. Thank you all for making me feel loved.

I also want to thank all the people that were there to celebrate my birthday, that spoiled me and made me feel so loved and special. It was a great, great birthday :) :) :)