So once again it’s been ages since I last up dated my blog it’s from the combination of little time and being kind of lazy too. Even if I most admit I haven’t been up to much since my birthday.
I hate uni very day more and I’m counting the days till it ends like an inmate in his prison cell until he is free again. Yeah that’s how bad it got, I feel trapped in uni. I’m unhappy with my lessons, unhappy of the uni’s organization, just unhappy in general, I’m not enjoying it and it shouldn’t be this way. But now I really only have like two weeks left of this little personal hell and them I’m DONE this time FOREVER with university life. Maybe in some time, some day, I will do a Masters but for now I’m giving studying a rest and I’m going to start to WORK. Crazy if you ask me but I’m still really looking forward to start my internship.
My life apart from uni? All good. I still love living in Santiago, I still enjoying hanging out with my friends and my boyfriend. I like this city, I like my social life and I like all the many things I still have left to discover and see, so in that aspect I’m not bored at all.
At this point of my life I am in a sort of transition that at times gives me anxiety attacks and makes me feel lost, alone and disoriented.
I’m about to finish university, which means I’m a step closer to being independent and self-sufficient and now it’s the time to start deciding what I’m going to do after my internship where I want to start my independent, grown up life. No more speculations and ideas of a hundred different plans, now it’s the time to really decide.
I have already made my choice and it’s Chile. At this moment in time I know that I would like to stay at least all of 2013 living here too, it’s my plan A and to say the truth I don’t really have a plan B at this moment, Europe so doesn’t seem like an option, there is no work for the people that are already there how am I going to find something? I guess that if everything goes wrong and I don’t get my visa here in Chile I would go to Egypt, work at the Robinson but some how reflecting back to an older post where I wrote how I had hundreds of plans and how I didn’t know which one to take, now I feel there is only one for me and it’s the one of staying in Santiago.
Ok so my choice has been made and I’m convinced of it but when I get my anxiety attacks it’s because I realize that I have decided to build my life so far away from my family and that I miss them like hell and I can’t avoid having days where I feel too alone, where I just cry because I miss them, they are my strongest support system and having them so far away is HARD. I’m not always that strong and I still feel like at times I need my mummy and my daddy. It’s hard to realize that now I really am slowly breaking my bond from them and it’s freaky, I still feel 15 no way I’m 22 and finish university for good. I know I can do it and that I will survive but still at times it feels a little hard and a new challenge for me.
So as inside at times I’m still a little baby and I need my family my mummy is letting me go to Milan during my holidays before starting my internship. I’m still going to Mexico to go and see all my friends but I’m going for a little less and just to Playa del Carmen and from there I’m off to Milan for about two weeks to be able to spend some quality time with nonna, nonno, Franci, Laura and little baby Lara. I’m going to get to know my baby cosine earlier than I had expected and I love that. And of course I’m going to be able to see all my friends there too! To say the truth I really can’t wait :) I’m going to make the most of every second I have there! I need to see them, I need to be with them. The good thing is that then I’m back in Santiago and in no time Mich will be living with me and mum and dad are coming over to celebrate there birthday here with us, my mum’s big 5 0, so cool, I can’t wait. So I will have a full family immersion for a few months which will also help me in my transition. I like the fact that my parents will be over and see the country I have decided to stay in, get to know my life here and who I have become thanks to this city.
So yes I’m stepping into the phase of transition, wish me luck ;)